♥ Tweets.Pei Huan writes ♥

Those vivid images still keep replaying in my mind, fear, uneasy, sadness swallowed me...I hate nightmares...They make me feel so fragile and sometimes I woke up, with such a heavy heart, sometimes with a tear-streaked face.

The nightmares I had before were never like these days. So vivid, so real that is so terrifying. I woke up with all the images imprinted in my mind. With my heart feeling a piece is missing. The images, like a video recording, replaying in this corner of my mind, without stopping. I hate sleeping these days, explaining the insomnia and the migraine, reality seems to be happier than dream lately.

Every time I drift into a light sleep, you appear...for four continuous days. Those dreams are always the same, you staring at me, so cold & hard, your face masked with this cruelness. I am like a stranger to you. You turning away from me, walking away from me without looking back. You walking past me when we bump into each other, totally ignoring me. Me crying, running off hoping you will chase after me, but all I get is disappointment. How I stand in the middle of your living room, totally invisible, looking at the happy moments btw you and her....The laughter, the love and the bond.

Why am I dreaming all these? A sense of insecurity? Of fear? Or is it a hint from God to me? I had nightmares before, but never like this, it scares me. My heart thumping, my head throbbing, migraine hits me three days straight. Nothing seems to cure it.

I need you so desperately, I need a hug from you, just a hug to tell me everything is fine. A kiss on my forehead, you holding my hands while watching me fall asleep, letting me know everything will be all right. It hurts me so so much when I realize all these are just my hopes, because it will never happen...I still have to learn to face my fear, to be a big girl, be independent, because you can never be beside me anytime when I need you...at least not for the time being...I understand, because you are confused yourself...It is time for me to grow up...

Took a nap just now after a tiring trip from Darwin. I think I miss you too much, or the insecure feelings that's burdening me, I feel you are hugging me to sleep, oh my, it feel so so so real that I don't wish to wake up, forever. I feel so loved and so safe. I truly feel you are right beside me. But the next minute, reality seems to hit my dream. It suddenly occurs to me you did not look for me since yesterday.

Can you stop all these nightmares for me? I feel so tired mentally and physically. My migraine is getting worst everyday. But, I promise you. I will never ever post emotional status on my MSN anymore, I know it affects your mood. And that is the last thing I ever want to happen.

I went to shower, and you went offline. I was bewildered, what happened?

You told me you are not in the mood. Sorry. Sigh, you got me worried my dear, what happen to you? I just want you to know I am always here for you. Ready to listen, to hug n comfort you, to just stay by your side...so pls, dun be sad alone. You are never alone...How I wish I could hug you right now, & tell you everything will be fine. I will be strong..I won't be a crybaby anymore, nor a burden for you. No matter what, I have promise myself whenever I see you, I want to be ur happiness, the girl that cheers you up despite anything that happen. To be someone you feel at ease with, laugh heartily & loudly without any stress.

Come to realize, for the past 2 months, we are all stuck in this situation where none of us are truly happy. Happiness are so brief that I begin to cherish every happy moments deeply. Most of the moments consist of you. Behind every sincere happiness, are those endless stress and confusion that awaits us...to ponder, to think, to decide...Julia once told me, I do not know how to love. If I truly understand the meaning of true and great love, I shall leave, so I do not have to put you through the painfulness and confusion of choosing. If I truly love you, I will leave to unload your burden. Should I? I am confuse now...

I sincerely hope to tell you, if it was me that caused you all that unhappiness, I am deeply sorry and I am regretting it. I promise, no more emo status-es no more tears.

Please please please be happy my dear...That is all I ask and pray for~

♥ ♥ ♥

我想有个人 ------

我想有个人，能够经常对我微笑；

我想有个人，能够经常跟我说说心里话；

我想有个人，能够珍惜我们在一起的每分每秒；

我想有个人，能在我孤独无助的时候陪在我身边；

我想有个人，知道心疼我；

我想有个人，能够陪我一起看细水长流……

被人思念是一种幸福，思念别人是一种温馨。