♥ Tweets.Pei Huan writes ♥

有些人永远都不会知道，他的一句话，我会记得很久；他的一个不以为然的承诺，我却苦苦守侯。之后，再经过时间而改变，而变淡，渐渐的，淡忘了。------ 那种前一秒，还怀着满心期望，象被推上高高的天空；然后下一秒，满心的失望，象从高空狠狠坠落。



现在我对你很好，很好，很好，你不需要，你无所谓，你不在乎，你不珍惜……当某天你被伤害，想起我。那时的我再也做不到像现在这样一如既往、不顾一切的对你好了……因为那时的我，已经将你放。原来，放低一个人，最后是被逼出来的。


*****


Lately, I love staring at couples around me. I will look at them with a longing expressions, I admit, I envy them. I feel they are so happy. Basked in the love of each other. Love each other openly, freely. Envious.

Since when do both of us become like that? Its my second/third day away from home, I did not receive even a SMS from you. I wonder, how significant am I in your life? Do I even have a role in ur heart? Am I even important to you? One day, if I went missing, will you look for me frantically, will you worry about me?

Who am I to you? A harbor? A float? A backup plan? I hate myself sometimes. For being so weak, succumbing to your charms and pleas every single time. I could not bring myself to turn my back at you. To abandon you when you need my support the most. But I will think, why do I have to support you? I could just be cruel one time, just ignore everything about you and go on with my life. Maybe then, I wont feel so depressed and sad all the time. But, I admit, I am weak, I am useless, because I care too much. I care for you too much and I cannot bear to see u in sadness and feeling helpless.

You never ask how I truly feel about the whole matter. You never give me a proper explanation about us. You choose to overlook the fact that I am sad, pretend not to ask anything in hope that eventually everything will be fine. Everytime I look at you these days, I have the urge to cry. My heart feels so so so god damn heavy. I only feels sadness when I stare at you. I do not know since when happiness doesnt come between us anymore. Happiness feel so brief lately. Nightmares haunt me. Why do u wanna string me along like a puppet when all this while, is her that you want? Is her that you choose? You are selfish.

You only look for me when u need help, or you need someone to cheer u up. In the end, no matter how bad is the situation or how reluctant and unhappy you feel, you still go back to her side. You still willing to stay with her. I am just a puppet in ur life. An entertainer. Someone that cheers u up when ur upset, and you know, I will always be there for you, hence, you start to take me for granted.

Nowadays, whenever I look at you, I only feel sadness. Because I can feel your presence, but not ur heart. Every time you mention her, you slash my heart apart. You tear me up in pieces. But do u realize that? I doubt so. Because you repeatedly do the same thing, over and over again, you trampled my heart as if it is just a piece of crap. I no longer show you my real emotions, instead, I masked it with fake happiness. I realize, I am no longer important to you. You no longer cherish me like before.

I treat you the best, you are always my priority, I have give you my sincerity. But in the end, its betrayal and hurt and disappointment that I feel. I am really tired. I am tired to see how much you care for her. I am tired to be just a backup plan. I am tired to be there acting as an understanding and considerate fren when you constantly talk bout how u feel about her, or how much you want her back in ur life. I am tired to see you despite all these shits that happened, you can still flirt in club. I am tired that you never seems to care about my feelings anymore. I am tired of being tired.

One day, when I lost hope in you, in us, in everything, I will leave....because I do not see a point of me staying anymore. Because, since the start, I am never the girl for you......You never actually care about my feelings all this while. Come to think of it, I am such a big fat joke. Even I look down at myself for starting this love story that is never mine in the first place.

Maybe one day....I will have hatred in me...because you make me realize, being kind n sincere is totally bullshit. Nobody will care. You Never Care.

=(

大多的时候，都是生活选择你，而不是你去选择生活，

尽管如此不情愿，可是必须去面对，

这就是人生。

我只是站在原地，慢慢承受着，学着不诉哀伤，是的，隐忍，

我会努力，我会回归最初的淡漠，

再见，自以为是的青春，

再见，想象中的美好，

当现实赤裸裸的告诉你必须去面对的时候，

除了微笑，只能微笑。

如果，在身边的最后真的不是你。

如果经历了那么多坎坷辗转后，最终还是要分开。

如果故事到最后，是我们的身边都有了别的人。

如果回忆，诺言和曾经相爱的决心都在现实面前变得渺小，不堪一击。

不管以后如何，不管结局如何。

现在的我还是愿意执着的去爱。

我们一起等我们的最后，

最后的最后。

I need someone to teach me what to do now...how should I do now....I feel so lost and confused...suddenly everything seems to be so terrifying and out of my mind...I feel so lonely suddenly....Like I have nobody.....

Why does it turn out like this? who can I trust, who can I not trust...What is the real story? What is the truth? I do not want to play this game anymore...I cannot take it...All I ever wanted is you, and a happy love story of my own...But why things seem to get more complicated...and scary...

Can I trust you? Suddenly I don't trust anything around me anymore...I feel like a mouse, with traps anywhere & everywhere...I feel people around me are so scary...Seems like all of them are trying to con and use your feelings to get the things they want...

Please tell me I can trust you!!! I feel I am going crazy soon! This whole thing is MAD!!! Everyone around me seems to be two-faced...I just wanna run away...run away from everything...all these drama, chaos....

Are you hiding something from me? Is there something I ought to know? Who am I to you? Will u ditch me or hurt me just to teach him a lesson? will you rather hurt me so u can show her what is he like in truth? Will u just forget me to be with her just for the sake he wont get her? If so, in the end, who am I? Just a joke?? *laugh bitterly*

I feel so useless...so friendless...so lost now....I just wanna hide myself from everything....I just wanna get drunk because I dont know what I can do now.....

Fuck the whole world...This world is a fucked up place!!!!!!!!! I do not know who is real anymoreeeeeeee!!! Can someone tell me?

I wanna hide...where nobody can find me.....just hide. myself away...so I wont be harmed..so I am safe....