♥ Tweets.Pei Huan writes ♥

I Miss You

BADLY!!!



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I am never good in dealing with my emotions
Especially when come to moments like this...
The idea of long distance relationships never did appeal to me...

I know myself well enough to understand that I am never someone that is able to endure distance in my relationship...
I am not one who will feel secure when the person I care for very much is not beside me
Not even just for few days..
Yes, you could say that I am someone who is dreadfully insecure...

And I prove myself right...

I am just home a few days and already...
I am missing him so so so much, so goddamnmuch that I feel myself to be idiotic
dreading each day to pass till the day I see him
Feeling lost and bewildered easily...I lost enthusiasm in most things I do
I yearn to receive his phone calls, his sms, just anything from him...
just to remind me of his presence..he is there and he won't leave me behind...

It scares me..How I react towards this temporary distance of ours...
I hate myself sometimes for feeling so
I wish I could be more carefree...Never like this...Being so weak and pathetic...
I cannot deny I am scare
Its not I do not have faith in him
Is I do not have faith in myself...I have failed more than enough to know that I am never an ace when comes to relationship

I deny to face it
deny that I am afraid he will cheat or lie to me
deny that I am scare he will leave me behind
I shudder at the thoughts he is just toying with me

All these thoughts happening at one time
just cos of the god damn distance between us
just for the god damn 2 months of distance between us

I am even shameful to admit it
how little faith I have...
I sincerely salute to those couples that make it through, having a long distance relationship
because it isnt easy at all....

I hope I am stronger
I hope I do not burst into tears so easily these days
I hope I won't just break down upon hearing your voice
I know my tears make him unhappy
And the last thing I want to do is to make him unhappy
Cos he has done his best to make sure I AM happy
Cos without any effort, he himself already makes me happy...

I think I failed though...terribly...
I did try though
I know the solutions to the empty feeling...
How I should deal with my days and time so I wont miss him so much...

But
too many things make me miss him so so so much...
I miss his presence the most I suppose
I am so used to it...
To see him everyday...
And what with the teddy bear that I am hugging NOW did not help much to make me miss him less!!

sigh..

I do apologize for this very emotional entry of mine
It's just that I miss him alot...more than usual right this moment (blame the hormones)
He did not call me tonight...
So I am sorta upset you see...
Because he promised
And I hate promises being broken because it hurts
alot...
especially when the promise is made by someone you came to care very very much...


I should just stop my babbling and endless complains I guess
I am making a public confession on how much I miss him here and
I am sure most of you are gasping for some air, feeling faint or even disgusted right this moment!!

I. Just. Miss. Him. ALOT!!!
Him breaking his promise did not help in easing my emo-ness any less!!!

Right now
All I want to be
Is to be in Melbourne...

Just to be able to see him!!


Sigh....exactly 2 months away till the day I see him!!
Start countdown-ing should I?


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*Absence makes the heart grow fonder of each other*